What women want?

This last week we continued on in our series about men. We tried to answer the age-old question, “what do women need”. As promised here are the two remaining things we didn’t get to Sunday.

After Abram’s poor decision with Sarai he got caught. Pharaoh himself caught Abram and had it out with him then kicked him out of Egypt.  In all the dialogue between Abram and Pharaoh and then between Abram and Sarai (when he told her they had to move again) guess what we don’t read? AN APPOLOGY! Look at it for yourself – Genesis 12:17-20. There are three simple words Sarai needed to hear Abram say, “I’m an idiot”!

Following in line with Sunday, the 6^th thing your wife needs from you is for you to

(6) APOLOGIZE & TAKE OWNERSHIP.

Abram had plenty of opportunity to apologize to both his wife and to Pharaoh but instead of manning up and taking responsibility he just keeps quiet and kind of sleeks out of Egypt. This is what a lot of men do when they have sinned against their wife; they just stay quiet and sleek out of her presence. If they don’t do that then they blame her. And maybe she isn’t innocent in whatever the issue is, but when I read Pauls’ words in Ephesians 5:25, “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.”  

God’s response to your, “she’s to blame too” is, “I don’t care”.  You role is to love her like Jesus loved the church, and HOW did Jesus love the church? He died for her when He was innocent and she was guilty. He gave up His right to be right. He took the blame that wasn’t His to take. He died on her behalf, and for her sins.

You might be thinking, “Well that sounds like a bunch of crap!” That’s why only a MAN who loves Jesus can truly love a women, this is no business for self-centered little boys.

Next time there’s a conflict, whether you’re more to blame or she is, man up, and love her like Christ loved the church; like Jesus loved HIS bride. Ask Him for the grace and the strength then take the road less traveled to experience the beauty of a marriage that only a few do.  

Ok, last thing but this last one is usually pretty misunderstood. So, let me start by first saying that if you aren’t practicing steps 1-6 then you have NO BUSINESS trying this one, you’ll also have no credibility with it either. 

(7) LEAD HER

Now usually when we hear, “lead” we think, “control”. Leading isn’t controlling, it’s simply knowing where you all need to go and then going there first.

 Look at Genesis 13:1-4

After all his mistakes Sarai could have easily told Abram to go jump of a cliff before she trusted him again. Likewise, Abram could have sulked in shame and decided he had lost the right to lead his wife, but he finally begins to lead in a godly way again. He lead her and his family BACK TO the place where God had once told Him to go back in the beginning of chapter 12. When Abram left the Negev to go to Egypt he chose to lead his family away from where God had told him to go. Now, he’s leading them back to the Negev and specifically to the place where, “he had first built an alter”. Abram is leading his family back towards God.

As a husband, a father, a man, this is what leading is all about. Leading is about you pointing your wife and your family towards Jesus, and you’ll always lead best by example. Abram got home, stood at the alter and, “called on the name of the Lord”, that means he got on his knees and did business with God in front of his family. So how are you leading your family? This doesn’t mean you have all the answers, you just know who does and that in His presence is where you and your family need to live. So how are you leading in issues of:

·       How to spend money – do you lead them to pray together about it or do you spend how you want not leading them to consult the great giver?

·       How to treat people that have hurt them – do you lead them to take it to Jesus and ask for his grace and strength or just talk negative about people that frustrate you?

·       How often is Jesus a topic of conversation in your home or do you just go through the busyness of the day and He only gets talked about on Sunday at church?

·       How do you deal with stress – do you lead your family in prayer throughout seasons of stress asking for God’s peace or do you just get quiet and snappy and fanaticize about summer vacations?

·       The list is endless but I think you get the idea. Leading is not controlling, but IT IS pointing your wife and family towards Jesus in all things, in all hurts, in all situations, in all decisions, in all disappointments, in all joys, …

So, here again is the pledge we took as men this week; a pledge to the wife and to the women in our lives.

She is the daughter of our creator,                           

the Lord Jesus Christ.

I commit to loving her,                                                                       

by loving and following Him first and foremost.

I commit to cherishing her,                                           

and sharing my heart with her.

I will fight for her,                                                                

apologize to her,

lead her towards Jesus,                                                    

and love her with my words, my actions and my time.                                                                                        

Adam & Eve Series - Man Pledge

I am a man,

made in the image of my creator, my father, the Lord Jesus.

I have nothing to prove,                                                     

I have no one to impress.

I will stop hiding,                                                                   

I will stop fighting.

I will lay my life out before Jesus, open, honest, raw, and real.

I will let him shape me,

make me,                 

be my strength and my life.

That I may bring that strength and that life,               

to the world around me.                

Who Should You Listen To

GREAT post from another pastor I often read & listen to. This was something I needed to read today & just thought maybe some of you need to read it as well, enjoy!

Just Click Here ---http://www.perrynoble.com/2011/11/17/who-are-the-people-i-should-listen-to-eight-qualities-to-look-for/

250/150/50

This last week I met a guy at Paradox that reminds me of a lot of the stories I've heard lately.

"I started coming recently because _________ invited me. I've never been a church person but I really like what you guys do here so I keep coming."

Two things stick out here.

1. God seems to keep giving us favor with the people we started this church for.

2. Invites are powerful! When we have the courage to ask a friend to come with us to check out our church statistics say they are more likely to say yes than to say no.

This is why we have committed to fast together every Wednesday. We are acting in faith that God will continue to use our church to reach the people we already know with His love, and to do it through our lives.

Simple prayer today as you fast until dinner is -- God please use me and use Paradox to reach the 250!

Becoming Less - 250/150/50

Ever had that experience of sitting on a plane, sandwiched into the middle seat? You can only sit straight up with your feet in front of you, and your hands in your lap for so long before you’re just ready to open a door, and jump out into the wide, open, expanse of the blue sky you’re flying in.

Or course, that would be a flight that wouldn’t end well, at least not for you!

The last time I was in that situation I can remember pulling in my arms so they didn’t touch the guys next to me. I can remember pulling in my legs so I didn’t accidentally end up playing footsies with my new neighbors. I can remember the strain in my neck from trying to keep it upright while I tried to sleep. Although these were big guys, with big shoulders that were probably pretty comfortable!

I can remember thinking, “the only thing left to do is to literally shrink the size of my body”.

That was not an enjoyable flight.

We sometimes think of what Jesus is trying to do in our lives as a similar experience. We tend to think that what God is up to is squeezing the life out of us. With His expectations, & lists, & stuff He requires. It can all seem like He is just trying to take the enjoyment of life away from us. So, we tend to hold back & hold out for fear that if we give into Him too much we’ll be miserable. So, it’s easier to then hold onto life than to let it fully go into His hands.

The Paradox though, is that life done with God is the one pursuit where the more you lose your life the more you not only find life, but you gain more of God in the process. More encounter, more experience, more understanding, more…

In the Bible, in a book called John there is a verse that talks about us shrinking that He may grow.

John 3:30

“He must become greater and greater, and I must become less and less.”

Part of the reason we’re spending every Wednesday fasting together is to embrace the practice of becoming less by denying ourselves SO THAT we may gain more of Him and all that He has in store.

Let’s be in prayer together all day today for all that God has planned in each other’s lives & in our church. Praying for the 250 yet to find their life in God!!

250/150/50

If you weren't at church on September 25th then you HAVE TO catch up with us!

We shared the vision God has given us for this next 2 years and it was one of the most exciting Sundays we've had in a long time! If you missed it you can listen HERE - just click on the week of 9/25/2011, the title is "250/150/50".

After that Sunday we decided that we would pray and fast together each Wednesday as a way of asking God to do the miraculous among us & through us.
Today we kick off that fast & today as I pray with you, my prayer all day will be for God to freak us out as He leads us to greater impact than our church has ever known.

To fast, you simply need to give up food for the entire day or at least for one or more meals. I know many people that will give up eating until dinner for a day long fast. However you do it, remember to pray throughout the day for the vision and dream of 250/150/50.

Here's a verse that challenges me even when I feel hungry enough to eat my computer!

I Corinthians 9:24-27 24 Don’t you realize that in a race everyone runs, but only one person gets the prize? So run to win! 25 All athletes are disciplined in their training. They do it to win a prize that will fade away, but we do it for an eternal prize. 26 So I run with purpose in every step. I am not just shadowboxing. 27 I discipline my body like an athlete, training it to do what it should. Otherwise, I fear that after preaching to others I myself might be disqualified.

October Series At Paradox

Starting this October we'll be spending an entire month on Sunday mornings dedicated to work, and the mixed feelings we have about it!

Some of us love what we do, some of us hate what we do, many of us wonder if we're doing what we should be doing.

What do we do if we're in the wrong job, how do we make a change, how to we stay in a job we can' stand, does God care about how I feel about my job? If I break the copy machine how do I make it look like another employee did it?

Are all just some of the questions we'll be tackling. It's going to be a fun series with a lot of good advice from people learning to apply their faith to their work.

Check out HERE to read more.

Go HERE to watch out promo video.

Don't Miss It

This Sunday just might be one of the best experiences you'll have had yet at Paradox.

Seriously!

Especially if Paradox is your church, then you don't want to miss this Sunday.

Whatever you have to do, be there & be there on time. The whole morning is going to be powerful as we share & dream about the future of our church.

I can't wait for it, see you Sunday!

Another Man's Wife

Have you ever had the nerve or the audacity to criticize another man's wife? I know, it's a weird question.

Part of what makes it such a weird question is that the answer should be a resounding, and obvious NO!

There are just some things you know you should never do, some boundaries just don't need to be explained; they're understood. This, well, this is one of those things, one of those boundaries. Whether the husband is 80 pounds when all wet or Hulk Hogan, you just don't dog another man's wife; his treasure.

So let me ask you -- what does God call the church, it's His what???

Say it louder! His BRIDE!!!!!!

So let me ask you again, you ever criticized another man's wife?

I have been a follower of Jesus for 30 years, and a pastor for nearly 15 years. So, I know as good as anyone what struggles and shortcomings the church has, but let me be clear in case I haven't been yet.

The Church is the BRIDE of the LIVING GOD!

I heard someone, no not just "someone", but another PASTOR recently say, "I am a Christian despite the church not because of it"

What kind of CRAP is that!

I'm not at all unfamiliar with people criticizing the church, and screaming out loud about every flaw the bride has. Frankly it's a lot easier to criticize than to create. Shamefully, too many Christians will always chose to criticize more than they help guard, build and develop the church. I also realize that many of these Christians will consider their viperous tongue to be "helpful" and to be their "building contribution" to the church instead of seeing their behavior for as shameful as it truly is. However, when the criticism moves beyond, "you're ugly" to "you're insignificant", man you just moved from crossing a line that shouldn't be crossed to picking a fight with God.

Unless you've never read the Bible, you can't deny the IMPORTANCE that God places on the presence, purpose & power of His bride in this world. She is the tool that He is using to be His body, and announce His kingdom until there are no more days left to announce it.

To my misguided, poison tongued, pastor peer, and to all others who call themselves "Christian" and yet share his sentiment, or just simply love to talk about the ugliness of Jesus Bride, let me be clear.

If you are truly a Christian then you ARE one BECAUSE OF the church. If you're a follower of Jesus then you can not deny that He has used some part of His bride in the process that has turned you so. From the martyrs on whose blood we stand, to the relationships you have had that loved you, shared with you, and have been the body of Jesus to you. How dare we, with the flip of a tongue, how dare we turn insignificant the very thing that Jesus created, died for, and is coming again to make blameless.

If my wife and I are fighting & even if she says or does something horrible to me. It makes no sense if in my anger & hurt I say to her, "I am a husband despite this marriage not because of it". Yet, this is exactly the reaction many Christians have in response to their hurt and disappointment with the church.

Some of you are probably thinking that I've just never been truly hurt by the church so what do I know. Actually, I have been hurt so deeply by the church that I will walk with a limp until Jesus return. BUT, I am also aware of the living God, and have met Him, and continue to experience Him BECAUSE OF His bride, the church.

Some of you are thinking, "man you're really angry", and my response to you is, YES!

Others of you might be cheering right now, well let's allow our cheer be clear. WE LOVE THE CHURCH, the bride of Christ, warts and all!! And we will guard her, love her, cherish her, and speak well of her from now to eternity.

In the bible in the book of Ezra, King Cyrus issued a decree concerning the temple of God being rebuilt in Jerusalem. At the end of his decree he makes clear just how serious he is about building and protecting the temple by signing off with this...

Ezra 6:11

Furthermore, I decree that if anyone defies this edict, a beam is to be pulled from their house and they are to be impaled on it. And for this crime their house is to be made a pile of rubble. ¹² May God, who has caused his Name to dwell there, overthrow any king or people who lifts a hand to change this decree or to destroy this temple in Jerusalem.

Sounds pretty harsh doesn’t it? I know that the temple is now the Christian and no longer a building, but the collection of us make up the church; the bride, the place where God now resides. Can we PLEASE stop tearing her apart by tearing her down! Yes, she still needs to be made perfect (because WE still need to be made perfect), and one day she will be. One day she will be dressed in white and presented to the Father by the Son. In the meantime, please choose to create over criticize.

250/150/50

250 / 150 / 50

Just start asking around...

15 Amazing Years!

Today I celebrate 15 years of marriage to my wonderful wife Nicole.

When I walked down stairs this morning & said to my son, "do you know that 15 years ago, on THIS day, mom & I got married". My son looked at me & said, "dad". Expecting a profound response from his eight year old brain I said, "yes son", to which He replied, "did we catch that skunk in the cage last night, oh yeah, & do we have any more cocoa puffs left!"

Although my son doesn't share my level of enthusiasm,

I would do it all over again with NO HESITATION.

So in love & so thankful to Jesus for the way my wife has been used by Him to change me more into the man He is making me to be.

Happy Anniversary Nicole!

Rules For Texting

With all the amazing ways technology has improved our lives in both the social and professional world, those same technologies have bring new evolution to human weirdness. I read a stat the other day that said that 70% of people now prefer to text a person rather than to call them.

Being an avid texter myself, I wasn't too surprised by this. But it did make me want to lay down some rules for texting. So, here you go, suggestions to improve your life by improving your texting - your welcome!

1. Be brief. Seriously, the whole point of a text is QUICK MESSAGE. When one text has to come in 6 different boxes you broke rule numero uno! If your text looks like the first draft of a book you're writing then it's time to dial numbers not type letters.

2. Stop sending cute and / or dirty images made out of your creative arrangement of letters & numbers. To be that intimately aware of the abilities of your keyboard only proves you have way too much time on your hands.

3. Just because you have the ability to instantly message someone doesn't mean they MUST instantly message you back. As a kid I learned that I could eat the caulk off the house just after we had new siding put on, it's doesn't mean I should have.

If it takes a few hours to get a reply then that's OK, if it takes more than a day it means that they may actually be busy and not have their phone glued to their hand. If it takes more than a week they either don't know who you are or they don't like you so stop stalking them.

4. The use of more than one exclamation mark is both unnecessary and proves you drink way too many energy drinks, lay off the sauce!!!!!!!!

5. Remember that texting carries no emotion. For example, if you ended your text with 20 exclamation marks (please see rule #5) and they end with a period, you don't need to go jump of a bridge. Don't insert YOUR emotion into THEIR text.

6. If you’ve both passed 7-10 texts, either someone needs to make an actual phone call, or stop texting. Join the other 30%.

7. Never drunk text, end of story. For that matter don't drunk twitter, facebook post or any other form of social networking update. We don't think it's as funny as you do, we actually think it's sad.

8. Turn off auto correct. While the text, "I just want to scream with the monkey's pants" is funny it makes no sense and thus requires additional texting bringing you dangerously close to breaking rule number 6.

9. Never text someone that is in earshot of you. If this is you then trust me, you have a problem & admitting it is the first step to getting help.

10. Don't stop calling your spouse, girlfriend, or boyfriend, just because now you can text them instead. Your voice is a harmony of strength & beauty and it will never come through a text message. Say it, don't just type it.

Breaks In The Wall

Ezekiel 13:5

"You have not gone up to the breaks in the wall to repair it for the house of Israel so that it will stand firm in the battle on the day of the LORD."

I've been reading through this part of the Bible recently and this verse has been ringing in my ears ever since I first read it.
These words are from God to the leaders of Israel. For reasons of selfishness & sin, the leadership of Israel has severely neglected the outer-wall defenses of the city and has left the people dangerously exposed to outside attack.

Now, realizing that it's not likely that anyone reading this is in charge of an entire city's safety due to a giant stone wall that you're responsible for, I think the message to take away here is either...

1. You need to stop being lazy and go fix that front door of your house that doesn't open and close correctly.

OR

2. We all need to pay better attention to what gets in & out of our hearts and the defenses that guard it.

Your heart, according to God, is the spring that produces the experience of life you're living in right now.

Proverbs 4:23

"Above all else, guard your heart,for it is the wellspring of life."

Maybe you're telling yourself that the condition of your life right now is the result of...

• your job
• a struggling marriage
• a broken friendship
• financial stress
• temptation

There's always something or someone else to blame for the conditions of our life.

But HOW you experience any situation is up to you. How you experience life is a partial result of what's coming out of your heart, and what comes out from your heart is a product of what gets into your heart. And the door to the heart is the way we think, this is why scripture tells us in Proverbs that as we think so we are.

Maybe that's why Paul tells us so clearly in Philippines 4:8 to be so selective with what thoughts we allow to consume our thinking.

"Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things."

For some of us, the guard around our heart; the healthy protection and awareness of what gets in and what gets out is being severely neglected.

It's no wonder that at times we so quickly go emotionally towards anger, doubt, insecurity, fear, hate, blame, and all sorts of other places that will suck life from us & from the people around us.

The gate to our heart, which is our mind, either has a wide open door or breaks in the wall.

I think this is why Paul once talked about transformation being in the mind.

Romans 12:2

"Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is--his good, pleasing and perfect will."

This transformation isn't a one time act, it's an ongoing decision of guarding what gets in and what goes out. We have to make the regular decision to approve or deny what walks through the door of our thinking. Paul explained this best when he tells us that his way of doing this was to make all of his thoughts obedient to Jesus.

2 Corinthians 10:5

"We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we takecaptive every thought to make it obedient to Christ."

I think there are several ways we could apply the challenge to "repair the breaks in the wall". The way I'm being challenged by God is to repair the wall of my thoughts & thinking. There are some holes in that wall; thoughts & ways of thinking that are finding their way down into my heart. Once in my heart they shape the way I'm experiencing life, God & the people around me that is not producing the LIFE I want to be experiencing. In other words, there's tainted water coming from my well.

With God's help, I'm repairing some of those breaks.

"Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things."

Father's Day

I know father's day was Sunday but I read this today & thought it was worth passing on so enjoy.

This is an article from our friends at Mars Jill Church in Seattle called, "10 practical ways to be a good dad".

1. Get involved with your child from the beginning.

Remember, there is only one thing a father can’t do for his baby. And even then, you can still establish a role for yourself bathing, burping, comforting, and taking the baby out for a walk.

2. Prioritize fatherhood.

Some dads worry that by emphasizing family so much they will lose their edge at the workplace and not be as competitive for positions as those who lack family ties or neglect them. Research doesn’t support that fear. Plan your work around your family. Decide that father-child time is not negotiable, but work time is. With calendar or planner in hand, schedule first the activities of your children, the school events, the games, then write in your work obligations.

3. Make yourself available always.

Interrupt your meetings when anyone in the family calls. Learn to text and respond quickly. Don’t be busy all of the time. Build in opportunities for spontaneous conversations. (Cf: “Spending Quantity Time with Your Kids“)

4. Have regular one-on-one time with each child.

Sometimes it’s fun to talk while you’re doing errands or making home repairs, but be sure there are times that you turn off the TV, put down the newspaper, and give your kids your undivided attention. Arrange solo time with your kids. Go out to eat a favorite meal or to do an activity the child enjoys or just go on an errand together.

5. Connect with your child at all levels.

Make sure you have some contact with every aspect of your child’s life. Visit the school, meet the teacher and kids and have at least a bit of contact with an after-school activity. If you have seen where your children are and met their friends, you will have more to talk about and more interesting conversations. Parent involvement during children’s schooling is critical to their school success. Work with your employer to see that your work schedule doesn’t preclude your involvement in your child’s schooling.

6. Become an expert dad.

Keep up with the language of child rearing. Talk to other dads informally, in groups, or in parenting classes. Read articles and books about good fathering. In too many families, Mom becomes the “expert” and Dad relegates his responsibilities to her. Don’t let that happen to you.

7. Teach them.

No dad has every gift or skill. Kids may learn certain things from other males in their lives. Use opportunities to share your talents. In my family, I lack auto mechanical ability, but I have passed on the gift and love of sports by personally coaching their teams.

8. Take kids to work.

This is a great way to teach them about the world of work that you are a part of. Take kids with you on business trips when possible. (Cf: “Froggy Boots and a Bible“)

9. Stay connected when you have to be away.

Sometimes work takes dads out of town. Set up a routine to stay connected. Some families schedule a specific time Dad will call that is convenient for all members of the family. When you return, bring home something special for the kids. It doesn’t have to be extravagant.

10. Show affection often.

Even if older kids seem squeamish, kids enjoy a hug and always enjoy encouraging words from their dad. I get my sons t-shirts each time I go on a trip, and they wear them proudly, even when their friends ask why they have such a random collection of shirts from so many different cities.

Living In The Tension: Christians vs. Non-Christians

One of my friends is a guy that is planting a church in Vegas and in addition to secretly sleeping with a picture of him under my pillow I also regularly read his blog.

Vince Antonucci is possibly one of the best thinkers I know when it comes reasons & methods regarding the church being committed to reaching people far form God with the message of the Gospel.

Below is one of his recent blogs that I thought I'd share with you; great thoughts from a guy on the front lines of his faith.

--------------------------------------------------------

Living In The Tension: Christians vs. Non-Christians

When you do church for people who don't like church, joining Jesus on His mission of helping people who are far from God get close to Him, there are all kinds of tensions you live in and have to embrace.

One of those tensions is between Christians and non-Christians, and that sucks. Now I don't mean that there are tensions between the Christians and the non-Christians in the church. I mean that what each of those groups need is not always the same. And what each of those groups wants is rarely the same. Christians may want verse-by-verse teaching, non-Christians want you to give them answers for what they're struggling with. Christians might desire long times of heart-felt worship, non-Christians could think that gets a little weird. Often Christians want you to serve them, while non-Christians want to serve the community.

So what do you do? The easiest decision is to "side with" the Christians, or with the non-Christians. (99.99% of churches will give Christians what they want.) The right decision is to live in the tension. It's complicated, but you pray hard and talk a lot trying to figure out how to side with God, and to do what it takes to teach Christians AND reach non-Christians.

But, when you just absolutely can't figure it out and you have to choose one: Go with the non-Christians. Why? Because 99.9% of churches are doing the opposite, and someone has to do it. And, more importantly, because if Christians don't like what you're doing, they'll leave and go to a different church. But if non-Christians don't like what you're doing, they'll leave and possibly never go to